Words for Vanessa
A letter to Ness
written by Cath Barton, a friend of Ness's from the University of East Anglia days
I don't know where to start, I don't know what to say - I'm sure this has been said already many times. There just are no words to describe in one breath the loss of someone so beautiful and precious through an act so evil and wrong. We all feel the same - like Owain said, we have no compass for this. I cannot go there.
I have tried to find pictures of Ness in my suitcase of photos, I know they are there but I can't find them - but I don't need them because without even closing my eyes I can see her beautiful warm smile, the way her eyes crinkled and her nose wrinkled when she laughed, the way she would touch your arm in mid flow, connecting and listening and giving back all the time.
I can hear her voice too, loud and clear like she was here next to me - and this is how powerful her presence is and always will be - I was no way as close to Ness as many of you, but I really can hear her talking every time I think about her… I can hear her saying "No way?!" and "Really?!" and firing questions with her beautiful Portuguese intonation, wanting to know everything.
And I can hear her speaking about her own life, with such quiet, understated pride - I don't think I appreciated till now the work that she was doing, how she had stayed so true to everything we used to stay up late ranting about in the living room of 41 Gloucester Street...my how we ranted! and quite rightly so - but Ness never gave up fighting for environmental and social justice, unlike me and maybe others, as we grew older with too many other more mundane things to worry about...
I am so sorry Ness that I missed out on sharing that with you properly. I am so proud of you, of everything you fought for and believed in no matter what, your imagination and fury and passion and commitment to making things better for real people, despite what reality told you.
Lots of love my lovely
Cath xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Cath also sent a poem with this letter named Waterfall